Your Shadow, Your Guide

When we touch a core wound we don’t know why we feel like we do

The Wound We are Wearing

So often the switch just flips. We go from being at a resting emotional state—well adjusted, self determining, and satisfied—to tearful or rage filled. And we don’t know why

Or, we keep replaying the same patterns over and over. Abusive relational partners, inconsistent decisions, self sabotage, self victimization, acting out in some way. We keep running the same play expecting different results

When in the presence of someone who has encountered this core wounding it’s like they go from zero to sixty very fast and are seemingly inconsolable. It feels like you don’t even matter, or are just a character in a drama they’ve scripted long ago and are just playing a part. You feel unseen and alternate between feeling like you’ve devastatingly impacted them to not impacting them at all

The reality is a core wound is a complex that has developed very early in life, usually between 2-6 years old. A child feels totally unheld in their environment. Their needs don’t matter. Their voice is unheard. This rejection is very very painful—it is as though they no longer exist; they’re a ghost

As the child grows they figure out ways to address this. They bury certain aspects of self in their shadow. They emphasize strategies such as the masculine or feminine that make sense in their environment. They project an outer ego in order to belong 

But all the while the wound is there. Waiting. Still open. Still sending out the same message that it initially received—you’re not worthy, you don’t belong

Most of our tricks and rackets in life are attempts to solve that problem and simply create more suffering

Dealing with our shadow and finding balance in our masculine or feminine essence is a route to healing this core wound 

The Inner Guide

In order to locate your inner child—the hidden voice of love—you have to claw through a lot of adult bullshit
Sometimes the shadows we cast are so large we can’t see ourselves clearly.

Only those who experience the depths of despair can find their way to “redemption”

Only those who have experienced the excess of immorality, the despair of pessimism, the disgust of relativism, and the abyss of nihilism can ultimately be free to chart an uncharted course

.The shadow is really made up of the parts of self we away from in order to be accepted by others. In many ways it is a result of growth and development and is already constructed by the time we are in our early 20s. It can be Our sense of weakness or emotions such as anger or lust or secret desires or sexuality or strength and primal power or any of these basic elements of our nature that we deemed as too much for the world around us to hold 

Imagine shutting away various aspects of your soul—sort of like characters—into a basement. There in the darkness they continue to grow but not actually to mature. They become overgrown and savage.From time to time these elements escape and when they do all hell breaks lose. Our sexual desires, untended to, or our anger, unacknowledged, or our sensitivity, uncultivated, emerge, and wreak havoc. We quickly throw them back into the dungeon, and obscure any evidence of their existence

Dismantling the Mask

So often we want to lock away the key to the basement and ensure those perceived negative aspects no longer emerge 

What develops over top of the shadow is what is often called “the persona” or mask. This is the set of coping strategies, defense mechanisms, rackets, habitual patterns and conditioned thoughts that we judge as keeping us safe and as helping us be accepted 

Often our sense of shame or guilt is in direct correlation to the divergence of those two elements—our outer persona and our hidden shadow. It acts as a powerful inhibitor

In reality this inhibitors and masks work powerfully against us. They deplete our energy and restrain us from responding to life 

People often tell me about the sense of lifelessness or lack of vitality they experience before engaging in deep shadow work. This is because it’s taking so much work just to maintain these outer layers.

The Shadow is, in reality, a loyal guide trying to lead us into relationship with these excluded parts of ourself. It’s attempting to let us know that there is more going on than meets the eye.

The real work however is learning to self remember and discover the hidden blessing each part of self wishes to impart. When you can hear what they are wanting to say, they are released to no longer haunt you.

That’s what we mean by integrating the shadow. You’ve found the gold hidden within them, that you usually couldn’t identify before 

This is an intuitive process that is embodied and experiential. It requires such willingness, but also deep authenticity. To show up. To give of self. And to truly see who you are without judgement or assumptions

The gift in the end is that all the energy you’ve been applying to suppressing and repressing is now freed up. You’re able to have access to not only the gold, but also new vitality 

The shadow isn’t what’s stopping you. It’s the caging of the shadow that’s destroying you. The Shadow IS you. The mask you’re wearing is not.

Sounds scary doesn’t it? A full on deep dive into the basement of long shadows that you’ve suppressed and repressed most of your life. Who really wants to do that? If you’re like most of us—you don’t

The idea of doing this work is actually allowing the hard working sentinels to stand down long enough to free up energy that is being drained through constant repression

Suddenly people begin to find they have new possibilities and new horizons—internally and externally. This is the real gift of shadow work. But it comes at the cost of challenging who you thought you were supposed to be. It requires the price of authenticity