Sex is Meditation

For most relationships I encounter SEX is where it all falls apart

Sex is so powerful. It is explosive. It is dangerous. It is potentially devastating. No wonder the major religions suggest moderation or outright avoidance. Unconscious people shouldn’t go fucking around with the creative force of the universe

Because here is the truth about sex. It is a screen upon which we are able to project all of our perceived reality onto

So often what we project into that void is Dirtiness, shame, coercion, forcefulness, seduction, deceit, perversion, using others. We apply our own deepest shadow parts to it and then associate it only with our own demons. It becomes a haunted place in which we can only respond by becoming monstrous or a monk.

People binge and purge sex for the same reasons. It has become a projection of their own shadows. Ones they’ve either chosen to indulge or isolate from

However, sex is an originating power. We are all born from orgasm. Our universe story is also an orgiastic symphony filled with ecstatic Union, intertwining bodies and planets and stars. Collisions of sexual depth and unbridled passion dominate the natural world. As above so below

Because it is so intimately connected to the fabric of reality sex or intimate union has the power to transform our reality. If we allow ourself to see beyond it. If we see the diamond within the coal. Sex becomes a force that teaches us about our self, instructs us in the power of givenness, heals us and leads us into total withness. We catch a glimpse of the heights of love, the depths of pure nirvana—total emptiness, and utter bliss

Yet most of us are so unconscious about sex that the fucking we get isn’t worth the fucking we get. It would be better to be celibate than have sex as we do—asleep

Try this. Be totally there. Totally present. Feel your five senses. Don’t be elsewhere. Not in your thoughts or even your emotions or even the heavens of enlightenment. Simply be there. Start there.

Use sex as meditation. Use it as mindfulness.

What is Mindfulness?

Mindfulness practice isn’t about thinking more. It’s not about having a quiet time. It isn’t about self-awareness (which is often just a mask for self-consciousness). It’s not about getting alone or sitting still. It’s not meditation. It’s not yoga. It’s all of those things at times, but truly it’s something very unique

There have been so many studies into the effectiveness of mindfulness to reduce stress, improve energy, and increase your ability to control unwanted thoughts and emotions. But more than anything I think it brings us into the present moment and into our bodies.

My Teacher, almost twenty years ago, challenged a small group of us in the most insulting of ways possibly. He said we needed to be taught how to breathe, how to sit and how to walk. That what we thought was natural, was in fact habitual and automatic. It was without awakeness. We were simply being second hand humans. He couldn’t have been more correct

Mindfulness practice is about waking up, moment after moment after moment. It’s about initiation—a beginning—seeing life through fresh eyes.It’s about consciousness.

It IS a set of systematic techniques. Just like in martial arts—there are specific movements. There is a rhythm. It is a practice and a discipline. But it’s so infinitely doable. In fact, a beginner is as likely to achieve the positive benefits that a long time practioner might! It’s that attainable.

But Isn’t Sex Sort of Like Digging Through Trash to Find a Pearl?

We have been told by religion, and the State, and authorities—as far back as we can remember—that in order to be Holy and good you must separate yourself.

If you simply experience less delight, less sexual desire, less pleasure, less animal instinct, less curiosity, less arousal, less passion, less enthusiasm or aggression, then you will be qualified to experience something on the other side of this life.

After you’ve subtracted every enjoyment from life—then you can live on the other side.

That’s what we’ve been told.

But a man who spends his life in that torture chamber will simply find he has subtracted everything good from himself, and be a dull shell at the end, regretful and longing

Believing the world and it’s enjoyments to be evil, that is all you will see—in others, and in yourself.

But pleasure isn’t a dirty word. It’s a part of living fully and deeply. And all the restraint you invest in today will not actually lead you to the riches of enjoyment. One path does not lead to another.

Live. Fully. Boldly. Courageously. With delight and laughter and conviction. Play in secrets and shadows—or in bright lit rooms. Simply do not arrive at the end of life not having lived. That would be a sin

Life Is Sex

In fact sex is one of the great metaphors for life. Its a window into the rest of the big picture.

Participating in life means entering with total awareness into the action of living. It’s being fully immersed in something to the point that you become what you are doing

Sex is one of the best examples of this that I know. When you’re fully with a lover, you both know. Your joy is their joy, your passion is their passion. if they fail, so too do you. There is no separation from the subject and object. You’ve become what you are doing. There’s not a distinction between action and awareness.

In waking life, consensus reality, we avoid, we neglect, we detach, we separate, we draw harsh and rigid self protective boundaries. We are isolated and depressed, we are lonely and anxious. We have created a world that mirrors our inner turmoil. The world at large, and our own daily lives. If it were “a fuck” it would be an awful one. No passion. No connection. No union. No orgasm. No ecstatic thrust of hope and joy and stillness.

Treat life like the best sex you’ve ever dreamed of. There’s no more time to be self conscious. There’s no more time for your fragile ego to be fed by signaling that you’re this or that. There’s only this moment. Forgetting yourself for an instant. Gently extend, give yourself to the fullness of impassioned desire. State your intention and dedicate yourself to that union.

Most men I talk to are so painfully aware of their movements that they’re missing out on living. When you’re fully participating in reality you’re adequate to the life you’ve created.

Throw yourself completely in. Immerse yourself in the present. Abandon your self in the here and now. Respond spontaneously.

Give a Fuck

It’s popular these days to practice the subtle art of not giving one. I get it. But it’s not what I’m about

I choose to be fully present with my attention and energy.

I choose to feel impacted by others. And to allow them to be impacted by me.

I choose to care about my circle and tribe—what effects them matters to me.

I choose to feel passionate about living and life.

I choose a life where I allow myself to feel the full scope of emotions: anger, love, sadness, joy, terror, and hope. Everything belongs.

I choose to lean in and double down rather than pull back.

I choose to be curious instead of closed off.

I choose to be embodied, connected, mindful and given to the moment

And all of this emerges out of the vibrancy of learning how to fuck. Fucking your partner. Fucking the World. Use sex like meditation. Let it blow apart your soul. Discover the quality of your surrender to in the tenderness and givenness of your embrace.